Friday, October 31, 2008

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I'd fill you in on what's been going on. October was super busy for us. We were gone every weekend of the month. With no time to relax on the weekends, we've tried to spend time during the week as a family, although that's been difficult as well since we've had something going on at least 3 nights a week as well. With the holidays quickly approaching, I'm sure time is going to pass faster than we can imagine.

I've been having a bit of trouble lately when it comes to dealing with the loss of Chaz. I'm actually struggling more this holiday season than I was last year. I'm not consumed, but the thoughts of Chaz have been coming more frequently. Nate and I have talked lately about how we can't even imagine what Chaz would have been like at 18 months old. We visited a friend who has a 5 week old baby the other day and it was much harder to deal with mentally than I thought it would be. It reminded me of just how small Chaz was and then I started thinking about all I missed out on. It kind of scares me when I think about having this little girl around. I'm thankful that it will all seem like a new experience, yet I'm a little leary of the emotional side of having another baby in the house. Those thoughts I'd shoved aside for months are beginning to come back. As best I can figure, all of this is a culmination of the holidays and approaching birth of this baby. I feel like I'm handling it well tho.

Just a little insight into that part of my life. Oh, the other parts I'd like to blog on but can't. So is life, I guess. Hopefully I'll be better at keeping up with this thing.