Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Jail visit

Well, we arrived at the jail this morning and Pflug refused to see us. I wrote a quick note and we were on our way. We had taken a Bible for him and the officer said she would hand deliver both to him. I left the jail feeling sorry for him. Reform doesn't seem to be on his horizon. From what we gathered, his attitude is the same if not worse than when the accident occured. We can't say we didn't try and I feel good about what we did. Thanks for your prayers. We appreciate all of them! I feel like a huge burden has been lifted. I've done what I can do! The rest is up to God.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Jail appointment

Nate and I are going to the jail tomorrow between 8:20 and 8:30. Please pray for us and also for Pflug, that his heart would be soft enough to accept what we have to say.

Thursday, September 11, 2008


For those of you who haven't heard, a baby GIRL will be joining our family in January! I wasn't sure what to think when we first found out, but now I'm super stoked and am spending way too much money buying stuff! A little girl just can't wear all blue sports stuff! This is the first time we've known the gender so it's a whole new realm for us. Brett is finally convinced that this baby isn't Chaz which makes the questions change a bit, but I won't get into that now.

This past weekend we went to Family Camp. It was an excellent experience! Our nephew was baptized after church on Sunday and that was awesome to see. He has such a sweet spirit and I love him and his sister (and parents) to pieces!

Nate and I were reflecting the other night about family camp and how much our lives have changed in the last 8 years. If only we had known then what we know now…SHEESH…life could have been so much better! Losing Chaz has forced me to look at life differently and also to be more grateful for what I have (and don’t have for that matter). There were so many things said throughout family camp that really pierced my heart. One that is kind of funny, but oh so true is that “we deserve hell anyway.” Isn’t that so true? We really do deserve hell. Unfortunately, there are some who will get what they deserve and that makes my heart cringe. What made that statement so funny was the story behind it. A husband and wife were arguing and she finally said, “Oh well, I deserve hell anyway!” Maybe we should have that kind of attitude more often.

The second thing that really stood out to me was when we were talking about the Lord’s Prayer. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” Let me precursor this by saying that forgiveness has really been weighing on me the last few weeks. I’ve wanted to go visit Pflug in jail and talk to him but never seem to have the gumption to go. In that line of the prayer, we’re asking God to forgive us like we forgive others. If there truly is no degree of sin, then Pflug’s sins are no different than the sins I commit. The difference is that I have Jesus and he doesn’t. As I was practicing for my special music this Sunday, I was singing along just fine until I got the following verse:

Well it’s amazing that You’d ever use me
But use me the way You will
Help me to hold out a heart of compassion and grace
A heart that Your Spirit fills
May I show forgiveness and mercy
The same way You’ve shown it to me

Do they see Jesus in me?
Do they recognize Your face?
Do I communicate Your love and Your grace?
Do I reflect who You are in the way I choose to be?
Do they see Jesus in me?

Nate had mentioned a while back that he wanted to take Pflug a Bible and I told him to go ahead but to count me out. I wasn’t ready and didn’t know if I ever would be, but lately I’ve really been thinking about how we may be the only Jesus he ever sees and it’s important that we don’t miss the opportunity we have right now. My sister-in-law, Holly, talked about a book she had read by Corrie ten Boom and in the book Corrie talked about forgiveness and how the feeling sometimes comes after the verbal commitment. Honestly, that’s what I have to bank on since I have no idea what it feels like to forgive Pflug for taking Chaz’s life.

I’ve said all along that I didn’t want to live a life of bitterness and anger. The bitterness and anger have faded significantly, although they still haunt me on occasion and probably will for the rest of my life. What I want to give up is the “guilt” feeling I have for not treating Pflug as I would want to be treated. I have to forgive him in order to rid myself of the guilt I feel for holding a grudge against him.

It’s taken well over a year, but I finally feel strong enough to face Pflug again and show him the Jesus he needs to know. I don’t know if he’ll be accepting but I’m praying that he will be and I hope you’ll be praying too.

So, I’m committing publicly to going to the Crawford Co. Jail this Tuesday, September 16th, to talk to him (if he’ll see me) even if all I say is “I forgive you.”