Yesterday was another crappy day. I can definitely tell I’m depressed. I’m still on meds, but with the pregnancy hormones, Christmas, and stress, I’m pretty sure my body and mind are just going wacko right now. Today hasn’t been much better. I went to the dr. this morning and the baby is still breech. I know there’s time for her to move, but Brett didn’t and as of the last scan her body structure looks a lot like his was – long and skinny. Brett didn't have room to move. That being said, if she’s still breech at 37 weeks, I’ll probably have to have a c-section. I’m not sure how I feel about that, but what will be will be. I realize I have no control.
Last night Nate and I had a good talk. I was able to vent about the different stresses in life and he was able to sympathize, empathize, and comfort me. Thankfully he has an open mind and is able to see things that I can’t because right now my mind is in a tunnel. I try to be open minded most of the time, but right now I just can’t seem to get there. Sometimes it feels like he’s the only person who cares. I know that’s not true, but when the caring emails and/or phone calls are few and far between, it makes it difficult to convince yourself that there really are people out there praying. I don’t mean to sound selfish, so I’ll just be blunt. I need support. I know it’s been over a year and a half since Chaz died, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt or make life difficult to deal with. Thanks to those of you who have continued to pray for us and encourage us with your words, written and verbal. It means the world to me to know you care.